in churches my head sometimes stretches out into a strange florescent trumpet

.This is actually a common enough effect in long exposure shots; the walking body sways, and the figure produced is strangely thin, or just legs, or (like this one) oddly distorted. Matt Brooker took the photo: he was aiming at the red, red altar back.

in uncomfortable situations I can look lasers

.Some mote of dust, maybe, or a rogue reflection from the mirror (far right) or that horrible silver shirt. Ugly, uncomfortable, hating smiling for the photo; no wonder the camera tried to erase me. Photographer: my mum.

when my wings are black I have supernatural levels of ennui

.The wings belong to a friend. The camera is in the hands of (I think) Damian Cugley. No, I don't know the photo is being taken, I have my eyes closed.

i have a disturbing stare

.Photographer Matt Brooker claims I look at "my prettiest and most doe eyed" in these shots. I'm inclined to look like my better-looking younger brother. Either way, that gaze is indefinably wrong.

i can make explosions!

. An accident of composition and timing has me pointing at one firework while another explodes. Habitually I point with my little and first finger (it's a comics thing, not a rock or satanist thing). The strange gesture, explosion, blur, odd clothes, all combine to make it look a lot like I just lost my temper with something flying overhead. This is one of Matt Brooker's millennium photos.

my mind beams in and out

.The photo is by Damian, the sun by some deity or other. Please forgive the hair and clothes, this was a long time ago.